Hi DIMES! I’ve been pretty MIA in the blogging and social media world recently. I needed to take a break from it all because I’ve been dealing with debilitating anxiety.
I’m not writing this post to have a pity party for myself or to get people to feel sorry for me.
I’m writing this post to share my story so that people who are going through it too can see that they’re not alone. Realizing I’m not alone has really helped me throughout my journey with anxiety.
So, buckle up and get cozy because were getting real deep here.
Those who know me well know that I’m pretty high strung and not very laid-back. I’ve been this way as long as I can remember.
I worry excessively about almost everything. I worry so much that I already have wrinkles on my forehead (at the young age of 21). To those around me, it may seem silly and unwarranted; like I worry more than I need to about certain things or that I create the worry when there is no reason to be worried in the first place.
I get really stressed out, overthink things and psych myself out all the time. But this had been my normal and left untreated my anxiety continued to worsen. Everyday tasks became a struggle for me.
Then, the sleep paralysis started. It was not very often at first, but then it became an everyday thing. Almost every morning I’d have an episode.
If you’ve never experienced sleep paralysis before imagine waking up, but you can’t open your eyes, you can’t move your body, but you can hear everything around you and as you become more aware of this you begin to panic. 10-20 minutes you drift back into sleep. As you can imagine, it’s not a great way to start the day.
The worst part of it all is the panic attacks. An overwhelming feeling of fear combined with physical symptoms like sweating, heart racing, muscle tension, shaking and heavy/quick breathing all create the perfect storm. It feels like you’re no longer in control of your body or mind. I actually ended up in the hospital on one occasion.
It took me hitting rock-bottom to realize that I had lost control of myself. So, I’m sharing my story in hopes that I can reach someone before they hit rock-bottom too.
I thought I was alone in my struggles and that no one else could possibly be dealing with this or feeling the way I do. I felt so isolated and detached from friends, family, and the world around me.
When you’re in the thick of it, you feel like you’re going crazy. You’re embarrassed, ashamed and afraid. You feel like no one else will be able to understand how you feel. But that’s your anxiety talking. Because I understand. And so do many others. More people than you think are going through similar stuff.
Getting help, reaching out to loved ones and talking about it out loud has made a huge difference in my life.
It helped me recognize that I’m not alone. Everyone has their demons; everyone has their struggles. While they are unique to each individual, I take comfort in knowing I’m not walking this path of life by myself. None of us are. ❤︎
Understanding the physical and mental symptoms of my anxiety has also helped a ton.
I am one of those people that asks 1 million questions about everything. Honestly, I’m just really curious about life. Plus, I really don’t like not understanding something or being in the dark about it, so I’ll research and research and research until I fully understand it because it brings me clarity.
A couple of months ago I started taking Zoloft to treat my GAD. Starting a new medication (having never taken any medication before) has been a whole battle of its own. (I’ll write another post on that later). I still deal with anxiety every single day, but with the help of a therapist I’ve learned to change my relationship with my symptoms. I now only experience sleep paralysis about once a week, which is amazing!
Other ways I cope with my anxiety:
- Mindfulness techniques such as paced breathing and mediation
- Exercise (even a short walk outside helps)
- CBD
- Journal writing and drawing
- Call my mom lol
Up until now, I’ve only shared this stuff with my family and close friends. Writing this post and being vulnerable like this is not easy, so thank you for reading my story with an open heart and an open mind.
I truly hope this post helped anyone out there who is going through it. I’m here if you want to DM me on instagram , send a message through my contact page, or email me at dimediaries@gmail.com I love to hear other people stories and I would love to share more about mine, so please don’t hesitate to reach out to me.
♡ Talk soon.
xoxo DD